"The boy can be from any part of India - I dont care if he is from UP or Bihar - I dont care if he speaks Tamil or Hindi - but he has to be from the same caste as us.  Otherwise I will not bless your wedding" - my friend's father objecting to the boy of her choice who was from a different caste. 

Welcome to the world of Endogamy. Monogamy we know, polygamy we have heard of  but what is Endogamy?  It is not a popularly used word - it means marrying from the same caste or community.  Endogamy is the foundation of the Indian caste system.  Endogamous marriages have kept the caste system intact for thousands of years and continue to be the fulcrum for the transformation of the caste into an instrument of power - seeking positions in power and for winning elections.  

I recall this gentleman who landed in my house after I passed my 12th in flying colours and joined engineering college.  He was from our caste association - he wanted to sponsor my expenses to prepare for IAS exams. The association had decided that they will bear the expenses of aspiring IAS candidates because they wanted access to the corridors of power. He made an impassioned plea  that the numbers of IAS officers from our particular branch of the caste has started declining and I had to be encouraged to do IAS.  Mercifully I was a "stubborn child" and I would have none of it. 

It is a sad fact that Jati or caste pervades our lives.  Complete strangers dont blink while they ask me what my caste is. In business magazines, we dont see anything wrong in celeberating our successful businessmen as Marwaris - it is not considered stereotyping.  There was this anchor on CNBC who crowed that Indra Nooyi was all brains because "she is a TamBram" (Tamil Brahmin) - the anchor himself was a TamBram and made this impromptu proclamation of casteist superiority.  We form caste associations, casteist parties, vote for our caste candidate and marry our own.  Then we cry foul when casteist politicians win and reservations in perpetuity are imposed for educational seats and jobs.

There is no shortage of hypocrites - I will name one- Rahul Bajaj who crowns his children to the top of Bajaj Auto and ignores the claims of loyal and capable professionals cries crocodile tears about "merit" being the casualty for reservations.
Of course there are people who are genuinely non-casteist - we do have people advertising "caste no bar" in matrimonial coloumns but as the matrimonials themselves expose it - they are a minority.  People who have married outside their communities, who have dared to be outside the community associations  have every right to criticise our casteist politics but others have to watch their hypocrisy.

All those of you who protest reservations and accuse our politicians of being casteist have to think twice before suggesting that reservations are perpetuating our caste system.  It is our reluctance to marry outside our communities that keeps us in caste groupings - plum targets for casteist politics.  All it takes is to swear off "Endogamy" - marry outside your communities.  You dont have to marry somebody who is culturally very different - but be open minded about your choice for a spouse.  Ostracise people who are close minded - after a generation of intercaste marriages we will be rid of the caste system.  Reservations will die a natural death.